Sooooo....

long time no post.

I started a new job, which required moving down to Freehold with Randi, Einar, Devon and Dev's new boyf Joe.

But the job is sort of not working out for me.  My sister is about to have a baby, and my family (my parents, actually) really want me back home.  The truth is, while I'm having fun living down here with everyone, I just can't cut it.  I thought I needed out of my parents house, and the truth is, I do.  But I'm just not prepared to be this far from my family.  So I'm moving back....

The other reason I'm leaving is because a lot of bakeries are hiring cake decorators back home and I hopefully will be starting a new job working at Candyland in another few days.

I feel like the biggest jerk for leaving, when I haven't even been here a full month, and I know I'm leaving other people behind in a rough spot...  People always tell me I have to do things for myself, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I will be doing something that make ME and only ME happy.  I'm not trying to say I've been a completely unselfish person, but those who know me well see how much I'm willing to do for others.  Through 4-H, at home, for my friends, and even complete strangers, at other jobs, even going to college....  I always do things to please others and fufill their expectations for me.  I don't mind helping others out - in fact, it makes me happy, but I've got to help myself this time.  I've put off my own ambitions for long enough.  For now at least, I'm going to do the selfish thing and take this new job.

I feel like hiding or running away because change is inevitable, and I can't stand waiting for things to go wrong.

Maybe that doesn't make any sense to you, but it's the first time in months I've felt that I could summarize my feelings in one sentence.  Actually, I can wrap it all up in one word...

Avoidence.

And I think I'm okay with that.

I don't have much to say in this update.  You would think that after such a long hiatus, I'd have something to rant about...  especially since I'm living at home again.  I probably could, but eh, no worries!

I've been visiting with people a little bit more since my self-induced isolation.  For a while there, I just didn't feel like hanging out.  Maybe it was all the family drama...  Anyways, lately I've been trying to get out more - hanging with Radar, Dev and Sheena, Erin, BAmy, Vanessa and everyone.  I might be moving to Freehold, although nothing is definite.  Living with Randi again would be a blast, especially since there are puppies involved! lol  I would probably get another baby rat if I lived down there.

Chuu died.  I guess I didn't really tell too many people about that.  I went to Indianna to present my research and that's when she died.  She was over 4 years old.  She was the bestest little ratty ever.  I really miss her, as dorky as that is to admit.

I've been reading a lot.  I guess that's nothing new.  I've also been drawing a lot more, which makes me happy.  I need something creative and well, useless, to maintain my sanity.  Drawing is probably my healthiest escape mechanism.    My 'big little sister,' Kells Bells, asked me to teach her how to draw, so often she sits with me and draws at night.  It sort of reminds me of a Jane Austen novel.  When the sun goes down, everyone occupies themselves by practicing a lady-like talent.  She draws and I read, or sketch, or write.  Its cute, and I will miss her when I move out.

Anyways, I've got to dash.  Time to flee the scene of another argument.  (This time, Sara and Jeremy... grr, pregnant people suck!)

Time for an update...

I moved back home again.  My sister, Kelly, pretty much refused to let me move back into our room - which is also being used as storage.  I'm living in the piano room with hanging sheets instead of doors and a couch instead of a bed.  C'est la vie.

I'm still working (rarely) at the lab at Rutgers.  I want to get a real job, but I have to finish up my publication first.  My project didn't go as planned...  The rate of mutation in the gene I used is supposed to reflect the rate of morphological changes in my genus, but unfortunately, its not accurate enough.  Now I have to write a paper explaining that a commonly accepted gene just didn't cut it for me.  And I have to present these findings in December at ESA.  Yikes.

Other than the boring things...  I've been trying to hang out with everyone from school as often as I can.  Randi and Einar, Erin and the Wally Lama, Baumby, Vee, Katie and her boyf.... Its been a lot of fun, but its not quite the same.  I miss college!  Still, I feel ready to start the next leg of my life.

Orgo will be over by noon on Wednesday.  Its my last class as an undergraduate student, and its a little scary.  Time to find a job I guess.

For now I am content to review orgo while watching re-runs of Dawson's Creek on the N.  I am really glad I'm not 15 anymore!